


Twenty Nineteen

by Mister_Spock



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-10-02 10:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mister_Spock/pseuds/Mister_Spock
Summary: Ficlets and anything unfinished written in 2019.





	1. Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock struggles in the wake of his Mother's passing.

He felt uncomfortable like his stomach was being twisted in knots. He knew this to be factually inaccurate and was a human expression, one Nyota had mentioned to him whenever an exam was impending. 

The feeling had grown steadily over the last few hours. The initial fear he had when he heard about Vulcan, knowing that it would take a huge threat for them to seek assistance and then the arrival at the scene, to all those destroyed Starfleet vessels. The knowledge that his parents were on that planet that was under threat and that somehow, inexplicably, this seemed to have something to do with him.

He had felt uneasy, uncertain in himself until that moment he materialised on the transporter pad, his hand reaching out at nothing. And the silence that went with it. Nobody spoke.  
Everything had been deafening and loud just seconds before, as the ground crumbled away, as the planet was swallowed into itself and then seconds later, in a deathly silent room with virtual strangers staring at him and maybe worse, the Vulcan elders who despite it all would still judge him for a human display of emotions, should he choose that moment to have one. 

But he didn’t. As everyone just openly stared at him, he stepped off the transporter pad and turning to the Vulcan elders he said, “I shall escort you down to sickbay.” Turning to include Kirk & Sulu, Spock added for them. “You should also attend and ensure you are fit to return to duty.” 

He briefly looked at the young man sat at the controls, the Russian boy who had been unable to save his Mother. His insides twist more at someone having the power to save her in front of them and failing, but he says nothing.  
He walks to sickbay only certain they are following as he hears gently footfall behind him. None of them is speaking and his mind is numb and hollow from the shock. 

And sickbay is a disaster itself. Injured crew everywhere and the staff rushing from one person to the next. McCoy comes over, brow creased as he looks at the Vulcan’s that are stood in sickbay. His trained medical eye glances over them and sees so obvious injuries and he goes straight to Spock. “I don’t look busy enough to you, you want to just take a tour of sickbay while we’re working. if you make an efficiency report right now-” Something stops McCoy’s rant. 

It certainly isn’t Spock who is standing still and silent. Still covered in dust from his planet. “Kirk and Sulu should be checked for injuries to ensure they are fit for duty,” Spock reels off automatically. 

Sarek chooses that moment to step forward. “Spock, you should attend to yourself before you further command the ship,” His a slight look at Spock’s dirtied uniform, Spock understands and nods. He doesn’t say anything else and simply slips away.  
And the next moment, Spock is stood before his own reflection, staring into his own face as it warps and bends with his tired mind. Taking a damp cloth Spock washes his face clean, he watched the water run clear and looks at the cloth. The tiny specks of his home planet and he thinks that those are the last bits of it left in the universe and for a moment, he wants to keep it. He realises his foolishness and drops the cloth in the disposal unit and ignores the part of his that mourns its loss, the knot tightening again. 

He ignores the way his hand tingles, from where he held his Mother’s hand in his own as they ran to safety. Ignores that he can still feel her cold skin against his own, heated by desperation. Ignores how his mind is working around the fact that he leads his Mother out to her own death, that he let her go. If he’d only held on to her a little longer. If he’d only taken a second to halt her curiosity.  
He let her die.  
The true twist of his own sorrowful tale.


	2. Stain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock makes a discovery.

Something woke him.  
And when he climbed out of bed, the dark stain on the bedsheets told him exactly what was the matter. He hadn’t really done it on purpose, ignoring the pain. It just made things easier. There was a lot to sort out after Krall and as second in command, he had a responsibility to fulfil his duty. So he lets someone tend to his wound, to keep McCoy happy and then as soon as he can, he’s back on his feet and doing what he can to help. 

They had a lot to sort out between crew that had perished, been injured and then finding a place for everyone on Yorktown, and starting reports on what had happened, time to get his injury properly treated just clipped away.  
Until this moment. 

Unsure what to do in the circumstances, Spock did the only thing he could. He called McCoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this isn’t a ficlet at all, it’s just a blob of words but football delayed my writing efforts. But I did write something and maybe I’ll be able to pick the theme up with the next ficlet).


	3. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock musing while with Jim on the Franklin.

He could hear Scotty talking about a change of clothing he’d found and for the briefest moment, he wondered if they’d expect him to change right there and then. He’d never been so gravely injured in such a dire situation and for some reason, he couldn’t logically conclude just what humans in this situation would do. 

But when Scotty handed the material to Kirk, who was knelt beside him as he rested on the large seating area, Kirk simply took the folded garment and insisted that Spock lay down and offered his hand to help ease him down.  
He didn’t hesitate at all as he took Kirk’s hand, but he was thinking of what others would say about his weakness, especially so openly showing it in front of so many. But he knew he really had no choice.  
He was weak and tired. The injury was painful and all he wanted was to sleep.

But there was no time for that. Kirk was talking to him about the crew and the ship and Spock knew he was drifting, Kirk gently shook him to rouse him, and he couldn’t go that way. He was so exhausted and his body was failing him but he had to keep it together for now, for Jim.


	4. Suppress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock struggles with his injury on Altamid.

Spock could sense the subtle panic in McCoy’s actions and words. 

Since Spock had started laughing at McCoy’s quip in the cave and had realised Spock was becoming delusional, Spock had a clear sense of McCoy’s worry about their situation and Spock’s health and the Vulcan had done his best to suppress his pain and the unfortunate side effects that were coming in to play. 

They moved on. McCoy said that if they kept going, eventually, someone would hear the calls and they’d find some of the other crew. Spock thought it reeked of desperation, but he didn’t say much to discourage the doctor, knowing it was keeping him going. McCoy hadn’t let go of Spock since he helped him up in the cave and honestly, Spock was certain what if he did, he wouldn’t fare long without assistance. The terrain had become increasingly difficult to navigate and whenever McCoy stopped to call for help, he’d prop Spock against something first. 

On one occasion, the rock McCoy had picked ended up crumbling away and Spock ended up falling to the ground heavily. 

“I am okay,” he said as he heard the communicator clatter on the ground as McCoy rushed over to him. He had landed flat on his back, so his injury wasn’t affected too badly, but it still sent bursts of pain through him. 

Spock closed his eyes tightly and concentrated on his breathing. He felt Mccoy’s presence beside him and eventually the doctor’s careful hands probing his injury. when Spock felt stronger, he opened his eyes. McCoy was looking at him carefully, worry etched on his face. 

“I am fine,” Spock repeated. 

“You ready to get up?” McCoy asked. 

Spock nodded and McCoy gently helped Spock get to his feet. Once back on his feet, Spock carefully moved over to a flat low rock and sat on it. “Try again, Doctor. I will be quite fine here.” 

McCoy looked sceptical but took a few steps away from Spock and started to make the radio call again. Maybe this time.   
He tried several times before Spock heard the defeat in his voice. He turned away from watching McCoy and felt some of that same desperation creeping into him. He couldn’t keep going like this. He was slowly McCoy down and soon enough he’d be nothing but a burden. He was fairly certain that if they were here through another night, he wouldn’t be able to walk anywhere.


	5. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is struggling to cope with the loss of his Mother. Jim & Bones try to help, but they aren't even friends yet. Can anyone get through to the grieving Vulcan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I don't work weekends, I got a little more time to write something for this one. Enjoy!

He’d ignored the first few knocks on the door. 

Once the pounding was longer and someone called his name repeatedly, he guessed he had little choice but to answer. Spock opened the door the smallest crack so he could speak to whoever was awaiting him.  
“Yes?” he said. 

“it’s me- Kirk.”

“I know,” Spock replied. “What do you want?”

Kirk looked behind him and Spock thought he might not be alone, not that he could see anything from his position and he wasn’t compelled to open the door further to investigate. “Well, no one I spoke to had seen you in a while.”

“Presumably the people you speak to were near Starfleet Headquarters. As I was not there, it would be illogical for those people to have seen me.” 

“I know but I spoke to Uhura and she said you’d be away a while,” Kirk responded. When Spock said nothing back to that Kirk realised he needed to push Spock to answer a question. “She’s worried about you. Wants to know if you’re coming back soon?” 

“I know, she has expressed these thoughts in her communications.” 

“Which you haven’t answered.”

“I did not have sufficient data to answer her.” 

“Data? She’s asking you a personal question-” Kirk broke off abruptly as the man who was stood behind Kirk came forward. 

McCoy, who had reluctantly accompanied Kirk whispered to Jim, “He's shut down. Being boxed up alone with his grief has made him revert to the most Vulcan Computer he can be. Don’t treat him by human standards.”

Kirk nodded his understanding and looked back towards Spock who responded with a raised eyebrow. “You heard all of that, didn’t you?” 

“Obviously,” Spock responded. 

“Look, could we just talk to you inside. Please?” McCoy interrupted. Some of us really need to use the bathroom.”

Spock could not deny such a request and stepped back away from the door as he opened it. He blocked it with his own body more fully. “I ask you not to touch anything,” he said before opening the door fully and allowing the pair to enter. 

“We promise,” Kirk said. 

“Bathroom?” McCoy asked. 

Spock gave directions and the doctor left the pair alone. 

Kirk took in the apartment. It was incredibly human, ore so than he expected it to be. He looked around at shelves of books, classic human literature that he was shocked to see in Spock’s home. The whole place was warm and inviting. It seemed as though Spock was sorting things out as he had boxes on the couch and piles of things all over. 

It wasn’t until Jim’s eyes wandered to the framed pictures sat over a fireplace did reality hit him. There was a picture of Spock as a baby, one of a teenage Spock and a more recent picture. Another picture of Spock as a baby with his parents as well as a picture of just Spock’s parents at some formal and serious looking event. Jim wondered why Spock had so many pictures of himself out before coming to the realisation that of course, this wasn’t Spock’s apartment at all. 

He was sorting through his dead Mother’s possessions. The smile that had been on his face at the homeliness of the place evaporated. He looked to Spock who was staring blankly. 

“Listen, Spock,” Jim started. he was aware of McCoy rejoining the room but didn’t stop. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry about what I did on the bridge. What I said to you. I only said it to get a reaction from you. I’m sorry.” 

“It is par for the course with someone like you,” Spock replied, still staring blankly. 

McCoy saw the flicker of hurt it caused in Jim, even though he tried not to show it. He turned to Spock to tell him that he couldn’t hurt other people just because he was hurt but the words never left him.  
Spock seemed to come back to himself like he had when he’d been attacking Jim on the bridge and he looked for the briefest moment over at the pair of them. “I apologise. I am-” He stopped short of saying anything else.  
McCoy guessed anything else he said was in danger of making him sound human. 

“You’re in pain? Grieving? You are part human, it is allowed,” McCoy offered. 

“It is unacceptable. It is the reason I came out here and have not communicated with others.” 

“Uhura will understand,” Jim offered. 

“I do not want my grief to become her grief.”

“You don’t think she feels just as much pain when you ignore her as she would if she were here right now?” McCoy said. 

“I trust her with my life. It is not about her ability, it is about my own.... issues.”

“Look, I can’t imagine how I would feel right now if Earth had gone and I went through all what you did, but being here alone for days on end isn’t going to help,” Jim said. 

“You got a replicator?” McCoy asked. 

“In the kitchen,” Spock replied. 

McCoy headed to the kitchen. kirk assumed he was getting a drink or some food so continued with Spock. “Why don’t you come back with us and just see Uhura and talk to her. Let her know you’re okay.” 

“I am not ready to go back yet. I would rather stay here alone.” 

“You haven’t eaten in eight days?” McCoy said coming back from the kitchen. “And the last thing you order was a soup and half of that has been left in a bowl in the sink.”

“Spock, you’re going to make yourself ill.”

“What do you care?” Spock exploded in anger. “You do not know me, neither of you. I did not ask you to come here, so please leave me in peace. Go back to your own lives and hopefully we will not have to cross paths again.”  
When both men remained stationary, simply looking at Spock he headed for the door and opened it. “Please leave.” 

Kirk sighed but headed towards it, McCoy following after him. 

As soon as they were outside Spock closed the door behind them and locked it. He didn’t move from where he was. He could hear them on the other side of the door. 

‘We tried.’ McCoy said. 

‘And failed.’ Kirk responded. 

Spock didn’t want to hear them any longer. He hadn’t wanted them here. This was his life. It was personal and they had invaded it. He should not feel guilty for his response to them. 

He walked away from the door and headed to the spare bedroom. It was the room he stayed in while he’d been here. It was simple and suitable for any guest. The door to the room opened up opposite his Mother’s bedroom door. He hadn’t dared open that door but now he wanted to. He wanted to see inside. 

He ignored hos his hand shook as he opened it. The light was shining in from the window and the room was warm and inviting as the rest of the house. He could smell his mother in the room. The perfume she would sometimes wear. He remembered it from when he was a child when she’d hold him tight after an upset. How warm she would be when she held him. How safe he felt. 

A sob escaped at the memory. Of never feeling that safe again.  
It hurt him more than he could think possible. She was everything to him. A special part of him that his Father could never fill. He didn’t tell her how much he loved her. Didn’t let her see those little human traits he had that she adored. He hid them from her- from everyone. And now he hated that he kept so much of himself guarded against her when she was so special to him. 

He looked inside the room eyes blurring with tears. He wiped them away and grabbed the door, closing it.  
He could not go inside. 

He turned and went back to his communicator. Where Nyota had been trying to call him and he had ignored her over and over again.  
He called her. She answered quickly and he saw in a flash of her face how upset yet grateful she was to see him. “Oh Spock-” she said, relieved. 

“I am so sorry, Nyota.”


	6. Confine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is not as it seems.

Commander Spock sat in the rec room observing the mostly human crew go about their business. 

Chekov trying to charm a fellow crew member with tales of Russia, Sulu speaking to some friends about his daughter and the video he was sent of her that morning. Kirk and McCoy were heading across the room and towards a free table, a look of merriment present on their faces. When they got seated, opposite of one another, they both placed their elbows on the table and locked hands. The display drew a number of the crew present to surround them. 

Spock was not interested in what they were doing, but he would have liked to observe the winner in a battle of strength. Conversation from Mr Scotty drifted over as he discussed with Keesner why he was so perplexed about the transporter. “Everything seems to be the same but from all accounts *something* is on this ship that shouldn’t be and I don’t know for the life of me what it is.” 

Now that was curious. he should engage Scott in conversation when he had a moment. But before he did anything, Nyota Uhura sat down beside him, draped her legs over his and wrapped her arms around his neck. In one graceful move, he shoved her legs from his and whispered: “Are you trying to draw attention to us?” 

Her arms left him and she replied back “We know we’re a couple. What we saw this tame version of ourselves doing surely isn’t casual friendship.” 

“That is not the point. This world is very.... wholesome. Not like our universe at all. For them not to suspect us, we have to ensure we behave in a more neutral way until we know better.” 

She rolled her eyes at him. “You’re no fun here,” 

“Hush,” he said. “And observe.” 

“C’mon it’s boring just watching people,”

“Then go to see to our guests.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for missing the last two ficlets.   
> Sunday I was hell-bent on finishing 'All that you can't leave behind' and starting my new story. Monday I think I had burnt out because I did *nothing*. 
> 
> I also apologise for not really making this into a proper story, as I just didn't get time to get it where I wanted it before time ran out so I posted it rather than posting nothing.


	7. Decrease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is dying.

His heart rate was slowing.   
Blood pumping out at an alarming rate. Nothing he could do.  
He’d already severed the connection between his mind and body. No pain. 

The shuttle he was on had crashed. He thought of the most absurd things as he lay there.   
He thought that if there was life on the planet he’d crashed on he may have allowed them to see the craft and broken the prime directive. And if that happened and he died, he couldn’t even clear up the mess and take the consequences.   
Jim would have to fill out the paperwork. He’d have to contact his father and tell him how Spock had died.   
The Vulcans would think that his death was fitting. A mistake that broke the rules- like him. 

He closed his eyes, just for a moment. 

It would take the crew too long to find him, he had been off course. And in a matter of minutes, there’d be no life readings to trace. If he could reach it, he could have turned the emergency beacon on, it would be an effort but he could do it. Maybe, though, it was better if he didn’t. They would assume that he had died instantly and didn’t suffer and he knew that they would take comfort in that.

He wished he could leave them a message. To let them know everything would be okay. “Computer-” he said but he broke into a coughing fit. After it, he didn’t feel like speaking. His voice had sounded weak anyway. It might have given away his situation. 

He closed his eyes again, a little longer. A little harder to open this time. 

The shuttle, even with the limited emergency lighting seemed a little bright. He had a feeling if he shut his eyes again, he wouldn’t be able to open them.   
Carefully, he adjusted himself in the seat. He relaxed his body as much as he could, so when they found him, it would look the same as if he’d simply fallen asleep and passed away peacefully. Except for all the blood.   
He could do little about that though. He hoped he looked peaceful.

He closed his eyes and-.


	8. Reliable

They weren’t close. There was something that prevented it. He used to tell himself it was professional detachment, but the reality was, he had disliked Spock because the first time he’d ever met him, he was making allegations against Jim. 

At the time, Mcoy hadn’t known they were legitimate, even if he was suspicious. He hadn’t really had time to ask Jim about them and by the time he knew the truth too much had happened for him to really get mad at him.  
And Spock had proved to be more enigmatic. He’d suffered through a horrible loss but he’d also had Kirk ejected from the ship onto some awful ice planet and he’d almost killed him on the bridge. He understood that Jim was provoking it, but there was something about watching someone that powerful that made him uneasy. And it never left. 

Throughout those next few missions they had together, he was concerned when Spock would do something incredibly reckless, like volunteer to drop himself into a live, erupting volcano, but he never objected much. Mostly he’d turn to Jim and ask him if he knew what the hell he was doing but Jim liked the danger. he was young and foolish and thought that he and his crew were untouchable. And he probably felt even more so about that with Spock than anyone else. He seemed untouchable, unkillable. He had a heart of stone and skin made of titanium. Nothing could touch him. 

And then the unthinkable happened when they met Khan. Jim couldn’t win.  
Khan had outfoxed him and left him with two choices- die or let everyone die. So, of course, Jim picked the option that made the most sense. 

He hated that he hadn’t been there. That no one had called for him. He heard whispers about it from the crew before Scotty confirmed it. Jim was dead and Spock was out for blood. And he was numb, so numb to it that he just waited for them to bring Jim to him. But seeing his motionless face was almost too much. Everything after that was hazy. The tribble and Spock bringing back Khan. And the fight to save Jim. It had been long and painful and tiring and he could barely think afterwards. 

He slept at some point, dedicated doctors and nurses caring for Jim while he rested and for some reason, he was surprised to see Spock stood at the door to Jim's room. He asked Spock what he was doing and Spock had replied that he hadn’t wanted to disturb anyone so he was waiting for one of them to leave so he was able to ascertain whether it was proper to visit Jim at such a time. McCoy stared at him dumbly, at the choice of words and the idiocy of it all from such a smart being. 

McCoy had entered not bothering to see if Spock followed or not and went to check on Jim. He looked dead. But he wasn’t and that was the main thing.  
And when he looked to see if Spock was there, he was by the door, watching. 

His face looked odd, coloured as it was by green bruising from his fight with Khan. he was going to ask him if he was okay, but he knew he would just be Vulcan about it. The concept of being okay was human and Vulcans didn’t deal with such trivial matters. He smirked to himself but realised he was still staring openly at Spock. He furrowed his brows and said he’d come back later and left before McCoy could say anything. 

But he came back. Much later in the evening. When McCoy was still there, working on ways to improve Kirk’s aftercare and making sure his stats were okay. He was surprised when the hand touched his shoulder gently and told him he should rest. And the looks his staff gave him told him it was a good idea, so he did. 

When he returned the next day Spock wasn’t waiting and inside Jim’s room, there was nothing. He was gone and for a moment, everything went silent and seemed to freeze before a red-faced Scottish voice told him It’s okay. He’d been moved but he was fine. 

He wasn’t proud of himself but some type of fury descended upon him. His patient had been moved without his say so. he found the first nurse he could and asked her where Jim was and he was beamed across to the hospital, no one daring to speak to him.  
It made him insane with rage that Spock was stood outside the room where Jim would be, just as he had been before. he was the one who had given the orders, he was told. Spock moved his patient without even asking. 

He didn’t plan the punch. It had left him before he really knew it happened. Spock barely flinched at it. He supposed in all honesty, there wasn’t much that a weak human could do against a Vulcan. But he thought that Spock looked confused and maybe, just maybe, a little hurt, by the punch, if not physically then in some other way. But he didn’t think about that. He just marched into Jim’s room and yelled behind him ‘Don’t’. He didn’t want Spock in there. He wasn’t welcome. 

He went straight to Jim's bedside. A nurse was sat beside him and looked a little worried and McCoy threw her an apologetic smile. She smiled back and said ‘He’s doing much better. These facilities are a blessing’. And he realised. Spock moved him to make Jim have a better chance, to make things a little easier on the staff and McCoy guessed, even him, as CMO.  
He checked Jim’s vitals a few times and the various other reports that all indicated he was doing a lot better and he called for Spock. He heard the door open and turned but it was a nurse entering instead of the Vulcan. 

“Is Commander Spock out there still?”

“No, he was leaving. Been out there for hours. Don’t know why he didn’t just come on in,” the nurse said. 

McCoy sighed. “He was waiting for me,” he said.


	9. Frozen Misery

Kirk was frazzled. 

Negotiations with a planet hadn’t gone so badly in a long time. And it was taking just about everything he had to deal with the confusing heads in charge and the way they bickered openly and changed their minds on a whim.   
Usually, such behaviour would be something Kirk wouldn’t tolerate but it had been made clear that Kirk should bend over backwards to make this work.   
The planet had natural resources that would not only benefit the medical world hugely but also engineering if reports that had come before were to go by. Kirk was not going to fuck this up. 

So McCoy guessed that was why he failed to notice Spock. Not that it was an easy miss. He was hardly wailing on the floor, but he was clearly uncomfortable. When McCoy tried to pinpoint how he knew, he found he couldn’t, but he wasn’t any less certain. 

On arrival at the planet, the Kaaith’s had ordered the landing party to go through their cleansing pool. They believed it drove out impurities and routinely bathed in them. So the newcomers had to go through it as well. They complied, keen to do their bit. And that would have been fine, but the water was frigid and the planet was just slightly colder than was comfortable for a human. And so it was much colder than was acceptable for Spock. 

But with his Vulcan control, the second in command was able to complete his tasks as good as anyone else. The trouble was, Kirk was still negotiating and had been for hours and Spock wasn't going to retire to the quarters provided by the Kaaith’s unless Kirk did. Spock was there to aide Kirk and that meant being present to help when needed. He hadn’t needed to step in for quite some time so he was just stood there, freezing.   
And Kirk hadn’t noticed at all. 

And eventually, McCoy had had enough. “I’m sorry to interrupt but we need to break for the evening,” McCoy said. 

His voice went unheard, much like he had seen happen to Spock when he had suggested a break from negotiations. But Spock was Vulcan. He could be firm and demanding but if there was no mortal danger, he could be pliable and placid. And when someone in the crew needs you to be more than that, McCoy had no issue being that person. 

“Jim,” he said again and this time he grabbed Jim’s shoulder and spun him around. They were face to face now. “End this now. Come back tomorrow.” 

Jim sighed and agreed and they were shown to their quarters, each of them having a room that was part of a large suite with a joint living area. Some of the crew were still sitting in the living area when Kirk, McCoy and Spock entered. 

“Did you get the deal, captain?” 

“Going back at it tomorrow, folks. I’m sure we can sort it out. Want a drink to unwind, Bones?” Kirk asked. 

“Captain, I shall retire for the evening. I would like to meditate on matters.” 

“Oh sure,” Kirk agreed, nodding. When Kirk realised he hadn’t got an answer from McCoy, he turned to him. “Drink, yay or nay?” he asked again. 

“You’re unbelievable!” McCoy said and Kirk knew he was pissed at him but had no idea why. 

McCoy headed directly after Spock and went into his quarters without even knocking. 

(maybe tbc....)


	10. Decay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of chapter 9.

Spock looked surprised that McCoy had barged into his quarters without so much as a knock on the door. 

He would have objected but Kirk followed shortly after. 

“May I ask what you are doing? I believe I specified just moments ago that I would like to meditate.” Spock said. 

McCoy wasn’t listening. He was already pulling out a tricorder and scanning Spock. “Not that I need this to know but you’re freezing.” 

“And I would change if I had privacy-” Spock started. 

“Wait, what? He’s fine,” Kirk countered. 

“Are you stupid, Jim? Did you not take your anti-moron pills today? He’s a Vulcan, from a desert planet that’s been dunked in water and left to air dry. And I *just* said he was freezing and he didn’t even deny it. He’s stupid little Vulcan brain is even freezing over,” McCoy raged at the pair. 

“I object to that, Doctor,” Spock said. 

“Shut up. I’ll deal with you in a minute. You take this,” McCoy grabbed the provided garments left for guests and flung them at Spock. “You go in there and change and then I might consider talking to you.” Spock left the room with a scowl on his face. 

“What’s this all about, Bones?” 

“Jim, he’s cold. Really fucking cold. And you’ve had your head so far up those guys asses you haven’t even noticed. If I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t say anything and you wouldn’t have noticed.”

“If you weren’t here, he’d have come to his quarters alone, changed and warmed, it’s no big deal.” 

“You don’t get it. You think because he doesn’t look cold that he isn’t suffering. He’s repressed his misery all day If he were human he’d have been stood beside you shivering, teeth chattering. And you wouldn’t have ignored that. And what pisses me off the most is you know better! You know he does this shit! You’re supposed to be his friend-”

“I-” Jim tries but doesn’t really know what to say to defend himself. 

And as Spock re-enters the room, Jim feels some sort of shame that he can see the coldness that Spock’s suffering through now he looks at him. “I’m sorry,” Jim says. 

“I am fine, Captain. Doctor, I do believe you should keep your voice down. These quarters are not sound proof.” 

McCoy had calmed little after berating both men and Spock’s insistence at the noise level be kept down didn’t help. He shook his head in disbelief at the pair. “You know what? Fuck the pair of you. You deserve one another.” And with that, he turned and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind him. 

Kirk stared a long few moments afterwards before turning back to Spock. He was torn between ensuring Spock was really okay and going after Bones. But if Spock had been in such a state, McCoy wouldn’t have left no matter how angry he was. “I think I need to try and calm Bones down.” 

“Please do, Captain.” Spock insisted. 

Kirk gets to the door and hesitates before he goes. “You’re sure you’re okay?” 

“Indeed, Captain.”


	11. Landing

He was crashing. 

His body, which had been thriving on adrenaline for the longest time, despite injury and blood loss had kept going throughout it all, no time to stop, one problem after another. Finding the crew, finding Uhura, starting the Franklin, stopping Krall, saving Jim.  
And now, everyone was safe. They'd done everything they could, saved as many lives as possible. Yorktown was safe and they'd soon be back on solid ground. 

And that knowledge stopped the adrenaline pumping. The pain in his side seemed to get a little sharper and Jim's last words echoed in his mind. 'What would I do without you, Spock?'. He was dwelling on them, thinking of it too literally and drifting from reality.  
He could hear Jim and Bones talking, but it was like they were far away, or underwater. It was muffled and unclear.  
He heard Jim ask if he was okay and he looked over at him, felt like he was blinking too slowly, but told Jim he was fine and that he should be more concerned about himself. Jim seemed some what reassured by that because he focused on McCoy after that. 

And that was the last thing Spock remembered. 

~

“What would I do without you Spock?” 

He was panting, out of breath. He was certain he was about to meet his end before the unexpected arrival of the alien crafting and Spock's own alien strength pulling him to safety. He marvelled at his luck. That McCoy was the one that had piloted that craft the first time because if it had been Spock, McCoy would never had been able to pull him inside. Honestly, he wasn't sure how Spock did it.  
His shoulder was sore and his face throbbed. He could already feel his eye swelling. 

“How did you even get to me in time?” he asked McCoy. 

“I didn't bring you back from the dead for you to die on me.” McCoy barked, glancing over to the younger man briefly. “Are you okay? You look like shit.”

“I'm fine. A few cuts and bruises is all.” 

McCoy glanced back towards Jim again. “Keep an eye on the hobgoblin. There's nothing superficial about that injury.” 

Jim looked back to Spock who seemed to be transfixed with something. “Spock, you okay” 

Spock looked over to Jim. “I am fine, Jim. You should be more concerned about your own health and well being because I am fine.” He went back to whatever he was staring at before and Jim could practically see Spock zone out on him. 

“You hear that answer?” he asked McCoy. 

“Yep. Is he bleeding?”

Jim looked. “I don't think so.” 

“Even if he's not bleeding out, he might have internal bleeding again. Just need to make sure that someone takes him to a medical facility as soon as we land.”

~

“Fantastic piloting there, son,” The first man through the door said, shaking Jim's hand. 

“It was actually-”

“Jim Kirk, right?” he asked, talking over Jim. “You look like hell, I can get you an antigrav gurney just outside those doors.”

“I really appreciate that, but I'm fine. We just need to be taken to the nearest transporter and we can beam from there. Thank you, Sir.” Jim asserted. He knew he didn't need such dramatic treatment and even though Spock probably could do with the help, he knew the stubborn Vulcan would rather walk out of the craft of his own accord. 

The man, who hadn't introduced himself gave Spock's uniform an odd look before turning to McCoy. “You did good work, men. Starfleet is proud to have people like you fighting on side.”

“Thank you. We should get back to the rest of our crew.” Kirk said, indicating to the door. 

“Of course,” stepping to one side, he waved Kirk through. He halted McCoy slightly whispering “let them take in their hero first.” 

McCoy rolled his eyes but didn't protest. He didn't want the attention either so he waited for a little bit until he stepped out. Spock followed right after McCoy, a slap on the back as he passed by. It was a human thing to do. Spock tolerated Jim doing it frequently enough,though he had cut down when he realised Spock really wasn't that keen on physical contact. 

McCoy was already being swamped by people and he saw the briefest moment where McCoy turned to Spock with panic in his eyes as the pair of them were pulled in opposite directions. Jim was already out of sight.


End file.
